When was the last time you had to negotiate for something? Mostly likely it was sometime today. Negotiation happens all around us. It could be negotiating the best price for a car, negotiating an agreed fee for a business contract or even negotiating with your toddler to put on his shoes.

Negotiation is a critical skill for business leaders, and there are key elements of negotiation that will make you more effective. In this issue of Promotional Consultant Today, we look at the balancing act of negotiation and share these tips from Mark Greenfield's recent article, "Negotiate at the Next Level," featured in the blog produced by YPO, an organization for presidents and leaders.

No winner takes all. Greenfield's first key point is that most experienced and successful business negotiators agree that no negotiation should be approached as winner takes all. In a successful negotiation, both parties gain. However, more often than not, one party gains more than the other, which leads to another negotiation maxim: real world negotiations are settled when the expectations of both parties converge.

Greenfield says that this is why collaboration is key to successful negotiation. A key to collaboration is to move beyond your personal position. This often kills the deal when you spend your time defending the position. Instead, focus on the interests of each party.

He shares this example: Consider two men quarreling in a library. One wants the window open and the other wants it closed. They bicker back and forth about how much to leave it open-a crack, half way or three-quarters of the way. No solution satisfies both positions. Enter the librarian. She asks one why he wants the window open: "To get some fresh air." She asks the other why he wants it closed: "To avoid the draft." After thinking a minute, she opens a window in the next room, bringing in fresh air without a draft. The librarian could not have invented the solution if she had focused on the two men's stated positions of wanting the window opened or closed. Instead she looked to their underlying interests of fresh air and no draft.

In this case, understanding the interest rather than the position led to clarity in a solution. This is the difference between positions and interests. People have the misperception that negotiation is about persuading someone to act against his or her interest, instead of for his or her interest. As an effective negotiator, you must clearly understand and be able to articulate the other side's interests and let them know that you know. This often results in discovering more shared interests rather than conflicting ones.

The power of questions. Another powerful tool in negotiation is questions. As Greenfield says, skillfully asked questions can transform a negotiation from an adversarial conflict to a partnership. By asking the right questions in the right way at the right time, it becomes possible to tap into people's inner thinking, stimulate dialogue and, therefore, engender mutual understanding. By asking the right questions, you can lead the people involved in the negotiation to productive agreements.

This tool puts you in control of the negotiation process. You will gather more information from others and reveal less about yourself. You can use questions to deflect heat or to put the heat on your negotiating opponent. Open communication usually means increased trust, the foundation for a team working together for mutual benefits.

Being a strategic listener. A good negotiator listens actively and acknowledges what is being said. If you pay attention and interrupt occasionally to say, "Did I understand correctly that you are saying … ?", the other side will realize you are invested in the conversation and invested in the other's interests.

As you repeat what you understood to have heard, phrase it positively from the counterpoint view, making the strength of the other case clear. You might say, "You have a strong case. Let me see if I can explain it. Here's the way it strikes me."

As Greenfield points out, realize that understanding does not equate to agreeing. It's not "giving in." Unless you can convince your counterpart that you do grasp how he or she sees it, you may never get the opportunity to explain your viewpoint. Once you have made the case for the other side, then come back with the problems you find in their proposal. "If you can make the case better than the other side can, and then refute it, you maximize the chance of initiating a constructive dialog on the merits and minimize the chance of a misunderstanding," says Greenfield.

Ready for more real-world business tips? Read PCT, returning to your inbox tomorrow.

Source: Mark S. Greenfield, a YPO member since 1986, is a partner in the law firm Blank Rome LLP. Greenfield specializes in mergers and acquisitions, capital formation, public companies and as outside general counsel for privately held companies. He represents clients in a broad range of industries, including energy, technology, biotechnology, software, health care, medical devices, pharmaceutical, manufacturing, gaming, hospitality, media and entertainment, and financial services.